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i'm lonely all the time and bored and I feel useless in my own skin. But hopefully it'll get better.
Spiral
I hate admitting this but thoughts work better when they're not in my head.
I'm spiraling.
I'm spiraling and I'm sinking and I hate it.
I'm afraid I'm going to cross my lines.
But for now this is something I can handle. It scares me but I'm still stronger.
I just have to remember that.
Devious Journal Entry
I don't feel like a person sometimes. Today is one of those days.
Panic Girl, almost like a superhero but more fail.
Why is it when I get nervous my brain goes into like panic attack mode? Like, I feel really nervous and my chest hurts and I just keep panicking about grades. Because 5 freakin' percent off from a B, for french and AP GOV, and it's not fair, I've worked hard the entire term, and because I failed one test, I'm going to have a horrible GPA and I'll only get into LSSU and all of my dreams will be crushed and destroyed, and why did I think I could do AP classes or take french after two years? I'm just not smart enough for this stuff.
Is it possible to have a panic attack without having an actual panic attack.
Oh geeze, I hate this week.
Devious Journal Entry
Sometimes I just feel like screaming. I'm not particularly angry or upset but I'm frustrated and paranoid, and....I just need some kind of outlet. If I write I just tear it up when I'm finished and feel worse. If I draw I just focus on trying to not make the drawing suck. Something physical I guess? I don't know maybe I'll start running (and then I'll focus on how slow I am and my weight--OKay brain stop criticizing my ideas right now)
I just need something, anything and I can't figure it out though that's not surprising.
Until I do I'll go with the bottling up route.
© 2012 - 2024 sakara-chan
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I'm sorry. I'm here for you.